In this month’s column, Dr. Victoria Mountford, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Psychology Lead at Sage Clinics, addresses the emotional challenges of perimenopause with professional insight and compassionate guidance.
Dear Dr. Mountford,
I’m a 47-year-old woman going through perimenopause, and I’m struggling with so many changes at once. I’m experiencing weight gain, bloating, and mood swings that feel completely out of my control. What’s hardest is that I feel so disconnected from my body—like it’s not mine anymore. How do I deal with these body changes in midlife without feeling ashamed and frustrated all the time?
— Anonymous
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Dr. Mountford’s Response:
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and important question. Your experience resonates with countless women navigating this significant life transition, and I want you to know that your feelings are completely valid and understandable.
For many years, menopause has been shrouded in secrecy and treated as something we should simply endure in silence. However, perimenopause and menopause represent a time of profound emotional and physical transition that is often challenging to navigate. When we feel disconnected from and out of control of our bodies, it’s natural to experience frustration and shame.
Understanding What’s Happening
During perimenopause, our hormone levels fluctuate dramatically, affecting multiple aspects of our wellbeing including metabolism, mood, and anxiety levels. When these changes occur simultaneously, it can feel overwhelming. However, recognizing that these changes stem from hormonal shifts—not personal failings—can significantly reduce feelings of shame and frustration.
It’s crucial to reframe this transition: menopause is a natural progression in our lives. Rather than viewing it as an ending, try to see it as a new phase with its own possibilities and wisdom.
The Deeper Emotional Journey
Approaching menopause isn’t solely about physical changes. This transition invites us to reflect on the psychological and emotional meaning of moving to a different life stage. We may grapple with changes in our identity, questions about visibility, and contemplations about the aging process. It can feel like a loss of control over a body we once understood intimately.
Shifting Your Perspective
While it’s tempting to want to return to your “old body” and feel frustrated by the changes you notice, I encourage you to step back and view your body through a different lens. Consider what your body can do, how it has faithfully accompanied you on your journey thus far, and approach your reflections with compassionate curiosity.
Practice observing change without bringing judgment to it. Instead of focusing on what feels different or challenging, think about what you’re proud of—both yourself and your body. Reflect on your wider values and how these connect to your sense of self beyond physical appearance.
Reconnecting Rather Than Rejecting
The goal isn’t to fight against these changes but to reconnect with your body rather than reject it. Ask yourself: What feels good for your body and helps you feel connected to it? This might include practices like yoga, mindfulness-based body scans, meditation, or other activities that foster a sense of embodiment and presence.
Supporting Your Transition
Alongside this psychological work, lifestyle changes can support your transition. Consider how you might optimize your nutrition, movement, sleep, and stress management. These foundational elements can significantly impact how you experience perimenopause.
If lifestyle modifications aren’t providing sufficient relief, I’d recommend consulting with a menopause specialist who can offer additional guidance tailored to your specific needs.
Moving Forward with Compassion
Remember that this transition, while challenging, is also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. You’re not alone in feeling disconnected from your body during this time—it’s a common experience that many women share but rarely discuss openly.
Be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Your body is adapting to significant changes, and so are you. With time, self-compassion, and appropriate support, you can find ways to feel more connected to and accepting of your body in this new phase of life.
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